I haven't exactly been updating this space as much as I would have liked because for some reason… TheMuffinface feels more like a space meant for the person I want to be instead of who I really am right now, as of this moment. I've also been largely busy with three things:
- Figuring my relationship out
- Aligning myself with Islam and Allah again
- Reaffirming my values when I serve my clients
Honestly, I've been lost for what feels like the longest time ever, like an old tugboat in the vast ocean just bobbing along with no clear direction, no visible paths unlike when you are on land and navigating in a big city, complete with roads and everything. I was stuck and unable to move and carry out my duties as a financial planner/ insurance agent for like a whole 6 months because as much as I wanted to believe that my goal is to be successful and have all the accolades in the bag… It just seems so unbelievably self-serving. Does that make sense?
Don't get me wrong, everbody wants to make money and be able to take care of their family's financial needs and there is nothing wrong with that but it just wasn't really what i'm after, if I'm being completely honest. My family is self sufficient and don't rely on me financially to support them, Praise to Allah for that! I am unbelievably blessed. So maybe my driving force has to go above and beyond just my physiological and safety needs (oh, just referencing Maslow here).
Maybe it's just that point in my life where I realise that my true purpose in life is really to serve God and the people God put in my path rather than just myself – because doing that really wasn't bringing me anywhere to the wealth that I envisioned having.
Maybe my purpose is to make them buy insurance from me, in case they are faced with their own tests in life. Breaks my heart to write that two of my clients have made Critical Illness claims as well as large hospital bill claims. I've only been in this industry for 3 years! I can't help but think of how many more people I should have rightfully reached out to if I wasn't being so lazy. Perhaps on the flip side, my purpose is to show people why putting aside small amounts of money now would help them vastly when it's time to retire.
In all honesty, I feel that the people I've met through this job has impacted me way more positively than I have to them. This job serves as a reminder that in reality, no matter how much wealth you amass or how little, it doesn't matter when your health is taken away from you. The only thing you can hope for is that you have enough to pay for your medical bills.
What separates you from financial tragedy is really a mere $20/month in cash – something that both the wealthiest person or the lower income groups can scrape together, I believe… as long as you have some sort of sustenance coming in . Of course there are plenty of other options for people who have more to spare and want to do more but that should go in another post, maybe.
Even getting married has more to do with religion and the good that it brings than anything else. Setting up and out with a partner that you are committed to for life seems like a chore to me but deep down in my heart of hearts, I just know that it is the way to go especially when you meet someone who challenges you to be a better version of yourself each and everyday.
My bf is someone who has managed to bring out qualities I never knew I have – like patience. No mean feat. He also stops me from being so quick to criticise – which is something I admittedly do quite often. We've had our fair share of roadblocks but I think we are on our way there… slowly but surely. It hasn't been easy at all and I hope that neither of us would give up. It's funny because he is nothing like the man I dreamed of marrying (and vice versa) but I've made peace with the cards that I've been dealt with. We are far from each other's "types" which only proves only two things:
- I never had a type in the first place
- You won't know how much you love sashimi till you try the freshest cut
I say this because I think our relationship started out like Umi Sushi, selling meh, low grade sashimi… but after all the hours and hard work we've put in… I think we've leveled up and we are now at the Sushi Tei kinda grade. Not the best but we are definitely getting better! Always leave room for improvement, yes? Now I just pray for the best possible outcome for the both of us because I have no idea where this takes us.
I did manage to strike off one thing that I've been wanting to do since 2014 and that is to shoot, edit and upload a video onto Youtube!!!! I am unbelievably proud of myself for doing this because it's sucha tedious process and I am not one who can sit through something that requires such concentration. But I believe it's a good skill to have… and it gives me a better understanding of how video editing works, as well as story boarding and stuff. Very useful for when I brief the photographers and video-graphers for my wedding. I need that to be perfect because I incubate memories like a mother hen incubates her eggs. It's quite alarming how nostalgic I get over events that have not taken place.
Ending this post quite abruptly with the first video I've ever put together:
Eh, so weird! Must upgrade the wordpress plan if I wanna embed a video!!! Grrr.